Amid a rapidly changing world that is globalising all possible ways of being, does silence really not tell you anything?
Quite often, I find people who can not find a source of information in silence. It seems to me that, at a personal level, their preferred and sometimes exclusive way to communicate with others can only happen if there is noise - the one that produces vibrations in your ear, the one that catches your eye, or the one that has half of the population sick: social media.
Those familiar with analysing human behaviour would not find new that verbal communication, yes, the one that targets your ears and eyes, is just one among a diverse range of ways your body speaks on your behalf. Although I’d love to deep dive into how what we say aloud is not necessarily what we say in our subconscious, this reflection is on the meaning of silence.
Life has rewarded me with the gift of silence - for good. It’s now my preferred way of communicating when people demand noise. Let’s put it into perspective. Can you recall the State Funeral for Her Majesty The Queen? That day, I learned about a very literal United Kingdom. Tories and Wighs got together to pay tribute. Not that I want that level of loyalty at my funeral, but something to notice about the Late Queen resonated with my interest in keeping strength in the relationships built with my loved ones (not that many, you may infer).
Historically, The Late Queen used to remain silent when the nation held heavy debates on political matters. That did not go unnoticed by me. Her silence in politics seemed to be welcomed by both parties, and the State Funeral can account for it. If silence can keep kingdoms united, imagine what it can do for your family and truthful friends.
Let us not confuse being a people pleaser with being a carer. The difference is that the people pleaser enjoys producing and receiving noise. They would tell you they prefer Chicago pizza when in Chicago. They would also tell you they prefer Italian Pizza when in Rome. A carer finds in silence ways to protect whatever -or whoever- they love the most.
What is that thing behind the success of silence? - I certainly do not know much about it. But I will tell you what is not:
In times of protests, silence should not (at least in democracies) mean complicity in violence, both physical and symbolic. That silence does not stand for genocides, hate, or anything that ends in ism. It doesn’t stand for a god’s complex of believing one has the authority to decide who deserves death and who does not.
Silence is not in direct opposition to your political ideology. It’s instead a deeper understanding of the complexity of what belonging to a political party carries out. Political parties are institutions; institutions are made of human beings. The problem arises when human beings make mistakes because this is all naturally associated with the institutions in everyone’s minds.
Say that, at this time in life, I love fuchsia. Your views on why I love fuchsia are based on your experiences with that colour. Imagine if I replaced that colour with a political ideology. Now, in a more dramatic setting - the times I barely dared to express a political view, I was either cornered by people with gaslighting threats about my future, or it deteriorated relationships that I regret in my thirties.
Silence is not inconsistency. Behind inconsistency, you might find quite a lot of prejudices - the danger in labelling inconsistency lies in having set expectations from people to behave in a certain way purely because of what they are or where they come from.
Silence is not hypocrisy. Oh lord, give me strength here. How often have I not ended up in London parties with people condemning out loud how long-haul flight travellers, meat consumers, and other ways of consumption deteriorate our planet. Yet a few hours later, I find them inhaling cocaine: a drug that not only puts at risk their health but also destroys Amazonian forests and adds fuel to a 60-year-old armed conflict in Colombia and a few other Latin American countries that academics from the Northern Hemisphere call “developing economies”. Silence is my preferred answer if I am to stay at the party (and enjoy it).
Silence is not, by default, indifference. We might need to dig more into what “caring” about something actually means before we can have the authority to believe one is being indifferent. Its meaning has varied in human history, cultures and social settings. Historically speaking, Human Rights have not certainly been obtained with silence. However, communities worldwide have had to go through challenging moments before they could fulfil their rights -and while their plans took place, would you have considered them indifferent to their suffering?
Silence is not resentment. Hatred is, and there’s no pond where silence and resentment can navigate together. If you are ever exposed to someone with both feelings, that, I must say, is not a lake but a waterfall from which you need to be prepared to overcome or confront noise - whatever your preference is.
These days, when everyone around you is a good listener whose only skill is actually telling you how to live your life, you often hear that silence is not good. Silence can sometimes mean just that: the lack of vibrations hitting your ears. The construction of that silence determines what route to take, and that’s something mental health experts are good at.
An approximation of what silence might mean
It can mean the problem is your relationship with the other. They might be silent with you but outspoken with others.
It can mean ignorance, leading to investigating sources before jumping to a conclusion.
It can mean awareness. Awareness of your existence and everyone else’s. Take time to reflect on how to act in a way that satisfies yourself and that is responsible for your impact on others.
It can mean pain. So much pain to see the monstrosity of what we’ve become as a civilisation.
It can mean learning to deal with one’s own pain while figuring out how to externalise it with a social circle. For that, we may take time, and that’s just a sign of how people can achieve a deeper understanding of patience: by accepting that sometimes, when things can not be handled by our own hands, the best thing we can do is to wait for the time to teach us what the noise was really about.
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